Thanks, Wild Thing

M: I'm all finished with my peanuts.
Me: Great!
M: But I'm still hungry. Can I have something else?
Me: Nope. It's too close to dinner. You'll have to wait until then.
M: Then I guess I'll just have to eat you up.

Screw the Pulitzer--I want a Pancake Prize

I've got mad skills this holiday season. The kids made a recent attempt to stump me with their pancake shape requests (okay, they actually believe I can make just about anything out of pancake, bless their hearts, but B considers them a challenge): First, K wanted a picture of one of my friends holding her baby. M wanted a pumper truck with a bucket on the ladder and a light on the top. And five minutes later:


One Miss J, with her hair up, holding Baby J. That's Baby J's blankie next to them, just in case she needs it.


And the pumper truck with ladder and bucket. You'll notice the carefully placed chocolate chip at the top of the cab for the light. It also has white wall tires, but that's just me showing off.

Dude. If there was only a marketable position for these kinds of talents.

Foolhardy 101

So we made the cookie tree. By hand. With peanut butter chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate filling. Yep. M and I. Just having a little fun. You're waiting for the disaster shot, right? Here you go:



That's right: no disaster! One level, stacking, tree shaped cookie tower that tastes sinfully awesome! Okay, the frosting is a bit haphazard, but that's what happens when you let go things enough to let a 2 and 4 year old go to town. Hooray for foolhardiness! I believe a new holiday tradition has been born.

More frosting, stat!

I have a lot of fun Christmas crafts in mind for the kids. I even have all the supplies. They will promote dexterity, create fun memories, and preserve their little skills as they are. But what do I see as I'm walking out of M's preschool today? One of those Christmas trees made out of layers of cookies. I do not have the supplies for one of those. It will not accomplish much other than add to the already overblown sugar content of our household*. But I think that's what we'll be making this weekend. Except I'm going to make it out of peanut butter cookies, with chocolate in the middle to hold it altogether. I don't have recipes for that either, but what's a challenge without, well, more challenge?

*How overblown? Check these out:

Would believe I made not three but ten of these beauties, and they're all still standing? On my first try at gingerbread houses! We didn't keep all ten, of course, nor are we actually eating much of them. But they do make the air seem all too sweet.

Crunchy, Salty, Sweet, and Yum

Just in case you are tired of turkey, pumpkin pie, and the rest, here's a quick no-bake recipe. That's right, quick and no-bake, because you're also tired of cooking, aren't you?

Butterscotch Haystacks

2 cups butterscotch chips
2 cups chow mein noodles
1 cup peanuts

Melt the butterscotch chips in the microwave or on the stove over very low heat. Remove from heat and stir in the noodles and the peanuts. Drop teaspoonfuls onto waxed paper and let cool before devouring. Next time, try subbing chocolate for some or all of the butterscotch, or throwing in things like m&ms or mini marshmallows. Yum!

It's all white meat to me

Are you tired of turkey yet? I find it amusing that we cook turkeys just a few times a year--or in our house, once--and then run out of turkey-using ideas so quickly. I get a variety of internet and print cooking magazines, and they are all focused on how to use up those leftovers. Come on, you couldn't have spent the last twelve months thinking of good uses for poultry? Let me give you a hint: if you can make it with chicken, you can make it with turkey. Now excuse me while I go make myself another turkey sandwich. Yes, just a sandwich. Call me a turkey purist.

Quote of the week

M: That looks just like a camera! Could you make a real camera out of waffle?
Me: If I could make a real camera out of waffle, I'd no longer be the dead weight around this family's neck.
M: Oh. Could I have some syrup, then?

I'm a little punchy in the mornings. But I make awesome waffles, and they often look remarkably like whatever oddball object the kids request. It kind of balances out.

Hash-Tastic

I'm going to rave for a minute. If you're a vegetarian or you (so unfortunately) don't live near a Trader Joe's, you might want to just ignore this post entirely.

For lunch today I had Trader Joe's new Roast Beef Hash. It's fully cooked in this silver pouch and self stable for like ever (just a guesstimate) which kind of grosses me out. But I LOVE roast beef hash. I grew up eating the kind that comes in cans (so really I should be over this whole shelf-stable oddness). Then I got older and started looking at things like labels and realized that almost every brand contains MSG. That's not something I put on my usual grocery list.

Then I was reading Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer and saw the hash. I bought some and forgot about it until today, when the beef lover in me realized that I needed it. Now. I cracked an egg and some egg whites into it, stirred it all up in a cast iron skillet, and lunched on the most delicious hash I've had in a long time. No MSG, no funny preservatives--just cutely cubed potatoes and real meaty pieces of roast beef.

I love food. There are lots of things that I immensely enjoy. But very few are things that I feel compelled to shout from the rooftops. This was one of them. Now if I can just manage to spend the rest of the afternoon in this house knowing that the second half is waiting in the fridge.

The Growing Boy's Diet

Yesterday
Me: Which sounds better, a burger or chicken?
M: Hmm... a bacon sandwich.
Me: Oh. Like a burger with bacon on it?
M: No, just the bacon.

Today
Me: How's your dinner?
M: Yum-O.
Me: That's good to hear. Which do you like better, the chicken or the macaroni and cheese?
M: The peel [by which he means the skin].

Tomorrow's prospects already have my cholesterol on the rise.

Yogurt=Tapioca=Ipecac

M will not tolerate yogurt. Won't even swallow a probiotic. One bite/dose, no matter how cleverly disguised, and he coughs, chokes, gags. Yogurt is not going down that pipe, so you better be ready with whatever means available to remove said yogurt from mouth before anything else comes out with it. We don't respond well to suggestions that we swallow, swish with a drink, spit in a cup, etc. Instead we just pause, paralyzed, with our mouth hanging open in shock. You tried to feed me what?

Turns out that holds true for tapioca pudding, too. Who'd have thought it? Not that it tastes anything like yogurt, but maybe there's a similarity in texture? On the flip side, you can freeze that very same gag-inducing yogurt--no other additions whatsoever--and it goes down just fine. So that has a different texture, but same taste. Hmm.

When I get to heaven with my long list of my life's mysteries, God's gonna get a kick out of me.

Peppermint tea, anyone?

When you go to put the leftover candy canes away for next Christmas, only to discover the leftover candy canes from last Christmas, you come to realize (A) that no one really likes candy canes in this house and (B) that you really don't need to buy any more of them.

(But maybe we'll want peppermint hot chocolate! Or peppermint brownies! What is Christmas without a candy cane?)

And see? This is how I end up with a drawer full of stale candy canes.

Crumb-diddly-icious

I have a love-hate relationship with running. I've always admired runners and their determination (not to mention their physiques), but I just can't seem to become a runner myself. I'll try it, fleetingly, for a day or day, then give up for more enjoyable exercise (or, honestly, the Wii). The precise reason eludes me, although I've been given to blame flat feet, achy knees, big boobs, asthma, and time-constraints.

But I signed up for a 5K run with some of my mom friends at the beginning of the year. The run takes place next Sunday. I thought I would have plenty of time to train for the run, by which time I would realize that I really do enjoy running and therefore keep it up indefinitely. Only I still don't enjoy it. I trained diligently for about a month, increasing in both time and distance on track with that 5K. Then I took a two week break due to colds and weather. When both cleared up this morning, I found myself dreading the restart.

Hey, I told myself. I could try a new training philosophy, being "Let's not train at all and see how far I can run without any prep!"

Which was tempting. But a cop out. So I strapped on my shoes and went for that run. All the way to the donut store and back. Because nothing celebrates dedication and 2.5 miles like trans fat.

Blue Plate Specials

Granola
We're on a granola kick around here. A friend of mine picked up a box of Trader Joe's maple pecan clusters, which was thereby rapidly consumed. We now have a second box, and a lot of granola bits scattered all around the house. Because nothing gets spilled faster than tiny bits of oat. Well, except...

Nonpareils
Those tiny little balls made for marvelous Valentine cookie rolling. But when you spill those little buggers, you will be finding tiny little balls in every nook and cranny of your kitchen for the next ten years, because those things are repelled by all manner of broom.

Korma Curry Simmer Sauce
Also Trader Joe's. Also yummy. Especially with some potato and carrot chopped up in it, and a little cornstarch to pull it all together. The best part is that both kids actually ate curry, really truly loved it. Of course, it helped that I put on a strong front of believing this was a dinner fit for everyone. They're like dogs and can smell fear, you know.

Bran Flakes
Still. Don't get me started.

Banana Peanut Butter Sammies
Concocted this out of my desperation to meet the something-very-special request while also using up my banana without using any cooking utensil not already dirty. Take little slices of banana, smear 'em with PB, add a tiny drop of chocolate syrup, and top with another banana. Voila--instant happiness. And messy finger too. But happy messy fingers. Please note that trying to translate this into actual PB Banana sandwiches (as opposed to PB&J) resulted in both kids pulling off the bananas and asking for jam. Hey, they can't all be winners.

What are you eating? Because we're still hungry over here...

Bran or Bust

Can anyone explain why every cereal has to have sugar? I understand why some cereals have sugar. I understand why most cereals have sugar. I LOVE sugar. Sometimes. But not on my bran flakes. I just want plain bran flakes. I want to be able to adjust them just to my taste with raisins or bananas or honey or a combination of all three. I don't want sugar, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, malt sugar, cane syrup, etc. Let's face it: anyone buying bran flakes is into healthy. So leave the sugar on the Froot Loops, people, and leave my bran flakes alone.

Growing economy

M's consumption, morning to nap:

• 4 mini muffins
• 3 strawberries
• 3/4 cup coffee milk
• Handful raisins
• Handful soy nuts
• 1 bag freeze-dried fruit
• Handful chips with salsa
• Handful granola
• Large serving macaroni and cheese
• Small serving rice
• Small serving watermelon
• 1 scoop ice cream
• 2 more handfuls granola

And yes, those were Mama handfuls, not boy. I suppose, since the thought of adolescence makes my stomach turn, I can take comfort in saving on my plate. But seriously, my kid is not that big. Where does he put all that food?

Humble pie a la tiramisu

Do you ever find a product that you thought you could live without, but no longer can? Mine is creamer. Used to always think I was beyond creamer. Who needs creamer? I'd say haughtily. It's all hydrogenated oils and nasty artificial flavorings. Milk and sugar for me, all natural as the day is long.

Until gingerbread creamer came along. And then chocolate peppermint. And now? Tiramisu.

So I'm eating my words, washed down with a nice hot cup of coffee, weak, with a healthy dose of fake tiramisu loveliness, carefully protecting my indulgence from my coffee loving kids (you think I'm joking? See M's trip to the dentist, but it really needs little K begging "Fa-fee! Fa-fee!" for the full effect. But I swear, decaf and now organic per my sister's kind guidance). I feel like I'm hiding a drug habit.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Here's to a happy Thanksgiving with family and friends. May you have a plentiful table to remind you of the plenties you have elsewhere. I for one am looking forward to our dinner and the three kinds of pie that follow. And I'm thankful, especially, that in our house, it's considered rude not to try all three.

Re: Sugar

--One small cup of ice cream contains enough sugar to keep M awake on a long car ride home, barely.

--One small churro contains enough sugar to make K very sticky when she falls asleep with the churro in her hand.

--One bite of churro and the rest of M's ice cream cone contains enough sugar to make me feel cranky for at least three hours.

--One morning with a best friend is surprisingly sweet for having no sugar at all.

Toddler Diet Part Deux

I've been hyper sensitive to the toddler diet ever since the last post. This increased exponentially after a good friend pointed out that her daughter had never had white sugar. Never. But then, I started thinking back. Her daughter is just over a year. When M was her age, I was making split-pea tofu soup and homemade yogurts. He didn't have chocolate or cookies or french fries. He ate what I gave him, which was good, healthy, and wholesome.

And then, almost without my noticing, he developed a mind of his own. He would see things and want them. Want them badly. Want them without even knowing what he was wanting (hence the rambutan going stale on our pantry shelf). Every meal, I hope that the veggies will be a success and more chicken goes in than barbecue sauce. And for every success, there seems a failure on the horizon. At breakfast this morning, he had plain wheat bread dipped in unsweetened cinnamon applesauce along with a glass of milk. How wholesome! Three food groups! No sugar! Then I pulled out a Pop Tart for me. They are leftovers from a postpartum impulse buy at Costco ("Look, a giant box of easy to eat, sugarly satisfying treats in our favorite flavors. Must buy now!" Sleep deprivation is a bitch). I eat them rarely, and only out of a desire to get them out of our house without wasting food. Of course, M wants one. I've had three hours of sleep and give in immediately (sleep deprivation is a real bitch). Guilt reemerges with a vengeance.

Will it always be this constant struggle of ups and downs? Are there people who manage to keep their principles intact in the face of a hungry child? A hungry, insistent child? And yet, what kind of principles would I be teaching M if I can eat it and he can't? Really, no one should eat Pop Tarts. There's nothing redeeming about them, other than the fact that they taste like my childhood. But wait--I turned out okay. I turned out as a person who worries about fiber intake and high fructose corn syrup and serves veggies at every meal (it counts if they're shaped like happy faces, right?). So where does that leave me?

Honestly, it leaves me hungry for a Pop Tart. I guess I'm just gonna have to be okay with that.