Friday, July 25, 2008

Sobering up

So I fell off the wagon yesterday. The breastfeeding wagon. I kept thinking about the whole breastfeeding thing and after a week and a half, I had myself convinced that K had still been nursing, that she would have continued to nurse if I'd continued to offer, and that the whole thing had been a giant misunderstanding. "Besides," I told myself, "even if she hadn't been too interested before, surely a week and a half without would have made her want it more." Plus she's sick. They always want mommy milk when they're sick, right?

Um, no.

At naptime, I settled down with her and pulled out the goods. Squirming, fussing. "No really, baby, it's mommy milk." It's possible she actually grimaced. Poor timing, I thought. She always liked it better before bed anyway (this is not actually true, by the way, but it sounded true at the time). So come bedtime, we settled down again. Squirming, fussing. This time I tried to gently encourage nursing (read, slip my breast in her mouth as she's going for her cup). A suck--then withdrawal, and a decidedly dirty look. "Just try it for me," I suggested, and she did. She opened up again, took my breast, and bit it. Hard. The look went from dirty to downright ornery.

But hadn't I walked right into that one?

So the moral of the story, I guess, is that we make good decisions for good reasons, and since our memories may play tricks, we have to trust those decisions. Or get bitten. Literally.

As a footnote, I came out this morning and sat down, only to have K run over calling, "Mil, mil," as she climbed into my lap. "You want milk?" I said, incredulous, to which she said, emphatically, "Yeah!" "You're not really going to offer, are you?" B asked, "After last night?" "Of course," I said with a smile. And I did offer. K took one suck, grimaced (again), and rolled off my lap in search of her water. So it's not just me. Memories play tricks on everyone.

1 comment:

writermeeg said...

Finally visiting you, D, and ironic to read what you are going thru with nursing. As we've discussed, mine wants it so much (and now in its pregnant fluctuating wants it more than ever) it is almost painful to the other extreme. Amazing how different these little ones are, isn't it? And our mixed mama feelings still quite similar... Hugs, mpk