Urp--there it is!

I can't burp K. I mean, I can, sometimes, when she sits up and lets out a huge belch of her own, but when it's up to me to draw that little stinker out, it just won't happen. How can it be that hard? She's not that big. I can practically finger all her internal organs through her skin. I can hear the burp rattling around as though I'm thumping a ripe watermelon. I can feel it with my thumb, squeaking back and forth underneath her ribcage, but no, nothing comes out. Hitler, Stalin, and Attila the Hun could all be ready to break down my door unless that burp came out and I still wouldn't be able to pull through.

I thump. I shake gently, as though it's a cocktail that must be mixed before extracting. I lay her down, I sit her back up. I switch sides. I massage her back. I massage her stomach. I thump some more. I hang her upside down and swing until centrifugal force sends it flying (okay, I'm just kidding about that. But if it would work...).

It's just a burp, for heaven's sake, and I'm a grown woman. And yet, defeated.